Shark!
In this post I will share my in depth knowledge on how to survive a shark attack. You may be wondering what makes me qualified to give such advice? Am I a marine biologist?? No, I am in marketing, lol, but! I have been watching Discovery Channel’s Shark Week for years!!!
Ok, sure, make fun of my qualifications, but if you are ever face to face with a great white shark, you are going to regret not reading my post!! 🦈
Tip #1
Don’t look like shark food! If you walk…or swim away with one thing from this post, it should be this; don’t look or act like something a shark would eat! So don’t look or act like a seal or a turtle.
Sharks often hunt from below and swim to the surface and attack! If you are on a surfboard, guess what? You are going to look like a turtle. My advice, don’t surf!! But if you really need to surf, go to Moncton, NB and surf the tidal bore; there have been zero shark attacks in the Petitcodiac River…you’re welcome!
Tip #2
Don’t hang around with shark food! A shark’s fav things to eat are seals. Let’s say you are minding your own damn business on your kayak and you see a bunch of seals frolicking around…leave! Sticking around is as dumb as those white people in all those horror movies who hear a noise and stick around to investigate instead of getting the hell out of there.
And if you do see a bunch of seals and then they suddenly disappear, you are in serious trouble, paddle your little heart out before you get eaten!
Tip #3
Stay calm and fight! Ok the chances of me staying calm if under attack by a shark are zero, but apparently that’s what you have to do. Sharks don’t like humans because we are too bony, so if you are being bit, you obviously haven’t followed Tip #1 and they think you are a seal or a turtle.
If you do find yourself in the jaws of a shark, you need to poke them in the eyes or hit them on the snout…mmm ok, I don’t know if a sharks nose is called a snout; but it doesn’t really matter, just punch them in that general area. This will let them know you aren’t a seal and they should let you go; good luck…oh and stay calm.
Tip #4
Be pro-active! There are some researchers who seem to think that sharks are attracted to the color yellow, so don’t ride a yellow surfboard or a yellow stand up board thing; just to be safe, I would avoid wearing a yellow swimsuit in any body of water that may have a shark in it, just to be safe.
There also seems to be an increase in attacks at dusk and dawn and when the water is murky. I am currently watching: I Was Prey, and both survivors say that they sensed something was not right before they were attacked. One lady said she saw a sea lion pop out of the water and it looked her in the eyes with a panicked look on its face. Now, even though I am not a marine biologist, I am almost positive that, that sean lion was telling her to get the f@&k out of the water!! Guys you need to listen to your sixth sense and the sea lion!
Tip #5
Ok, that last tip has stressed me out, lol. So tip #5 is that maybe you shouldn’t swim in shark infested waters??
But to be serious for a minute, the chances of being bitten by a shark are very slim. Did you know that more people die from snake bites a year than by sharks? Yup, worldwide, 200 people die each day from snake bites. So don’t be afraid of sharks, be afraid of snakes, lol.
So to recap, don’t look like shark food, don’t wear yellow, don’t swim in murky water and sea lions are your friends.
The photo above is my little brother and I getting ready for our first big shark fishing trip, circa 1976 ish, lol. That’s me on the left in case you don’t recognize me without my lipstick.
Thanks for reading as always! Be safe out there and enjoy the rest of your summer!
muah!
Liette
